He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
