You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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