if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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