i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
