I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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