I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
