Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
