Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
