thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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