My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
