hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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