No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
