Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
