I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
