Got a toothbrush?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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