do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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