It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
