So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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