They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
