too bad you live with your parents still
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
