I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize