I hate your face
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
