We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize