How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
