her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
