I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
