why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
