did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
