I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
