If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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