one two three fourrrrnication!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
