Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
