My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
