Don't make out with my wife yet
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
