never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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