I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize