I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
