go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Someone shattered a urinal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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