Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
