just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
