the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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