im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
