please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
