I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
mondays should just be called national damage control day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize