just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
