I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
