he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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