pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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