So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
