Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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