Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
