Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
