Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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