i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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