I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
