Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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