the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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