Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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