Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I skipped work to stalk him.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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