Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
