Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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