yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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