pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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