I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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