He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
