He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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