I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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