accomplished twins. life is a go
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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