they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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