how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
